ZETA TAU ARTHRITIS

Bertie McConnell, a really old lady from Topeka Kansas finally got initiated into the Zeta Tau Alpha sorority at the University of Kansas on her 90th birthday. That’s right, fucking 90 years old. Apparently not joining Zeta was the one thing she regretted never doing so the Zeta sisters were all like “come on gals, old and wrinkly aside, Bertie is still a hot bitch!” Read the rest of the article here.

Stayed tuned for when Bertie’s new reality show, “Sisters For Life” gets the green light. We’ll follow Bertie around as the Zeta ladies teach Bertie how to properly snort a line of cocaine, and take rum shots like a pro. Drama will ensue when Bertie is caught sleeping with Zeta sister Brittney’s boyfriend, Chad. Chad will be all like, “babe we were only listening to jazz records and knitting you a sweater” but then Brittney will say, “what jazz record were you listening to then?” and Chad will go, “uhhh…Stevie Wonder?” FACEPALM. Bertie will then dump Chad’s ass and completely turn every sister at Zeta against Brittney. Poor Brittney will have to leave the Zeta house and join an ugly girl sorority!

Okay sorry I am having too much fun with this.