Daily Interruptions

Brittney Kelly Answers Your Dating Questions!

Thu, 22 Mar 2012 15:19:23 -0400

Brittney Kelly the wonderful woman who brought you this article on how to get the perfect boyfriend, and also this one on how guys can get hot girlfriends wants to answer YOUR questions about sex/romance/dating/whatever! So ask away! You won’t regret it.

BARACK OBAMA DOESN'T LIKE THE KARDASHIANS, NOW IS CERTAIN TO LOSE PRESIDENCY

Wed, 19 Oct 2011 15:47:00 -0400

Obama’s girls, Sasha and Malia are apparently fans of the Kardashians. Seriously, I love that the Kardashians are still famous. In fact they’re getting bigger and bigger every year (no like literally they’re getting bigger cause they’re like always pregnant or kind of fat and stuff like that lolololll)

Isn’t it fucking great that all they have to do is be hot, rich, and not mind a camera following them around all the time and just like that they’re forever famous. The only time I had a camera following me around 24/7 was when I went to Target and tried stealing Too Fast Too Furious on blu ray. Fuckers caught me, and the security guards threatened to make their status about me on their Facebook if I didn’t give the movie back. The fear of people ‘liking’ my failure was enough to comply.

Michelle states in the interview:

“But I sort of feel like if we’re talking about it, and I’m more concerned with how they take it in — what did you learn when you watched that,” Michelle explained. “And if they’re learning the right lessons, like, that was crazy, then I’m like, okay.”

“What did you learn today kids? Kim’s husband is an asshole? Alright, gold star for you. Now go back to your rooms and tweet about it.”

Come on Michelle, you really think television is for learning? How is watching the Kardashians any different than watching Spongebob Squarepants? There’s no lesson in anything having to do with television. All of it is meant to be mindless, stupid, vapid, and more importantly, fun!

Barack I don’t want to alarm you but dissing on the Kardashians might have lost you some important young adult votes. Seriously, these grrls fanbase is the same fanbase of young adults who voted for you in the first place because P.Diddy told them to during a commercial break of the REAL WORLD: SEASON “HOW ARE WE STILL ON THE AIR?”. If Khloe talks shit about you just once, that’s a guaranteed loss of at least 50,000 good votes right there.

lol dun worry Baracky I’m jk-ing juss a lil bit. gluck baby!

Links Be So Important

Wed, 19 Oct 2011 15:12:00 -0400

Real life baby albino cyclops shark who unfortunately had to die because he’s too adorable for this earth. Somebody get this dead shark a movie deal, now! I’m talking to you PIXAR!
blah blah blah Lindsay’s fucked everything up again yadda yadda whatever.
More reason I need to be in New York and not in this tiny dungeon off the coast of Mexico that somehow has free wifi.
This rich guy made a documentary about the 1%. His name is Jamie Johnson, and he is the great-grandson of one of the founders of Johnson & Johnson. We never saw it. Maybe I will buy the DVD if it comes with a free travel size bottle of lotion.
OMG DID YOU GUYS SEE THAT PICTURE OF THE ONE-EYED BABY ALBINO SHARK?!?!?!

YOU CAN LOOK AT OVER 300 PICTURES OF PEOPLE WHO DON'T MATTER

Tue, 18 Oct 2011 18:32:00 -0400

Is this really what the media has come to? An album of creepy paparazzi stalkers taking hundreds of pictures of a stupid tween couple? I found this series of pictures via Pitchfork. Fucking PITCHFORK! Is that really music journalism?

NO.

All it is, is Justin Beiber in his swim trunks, and Selena Gomez in her stupid pink bikini (if you are just clicking on the link now, it’s because you just read Selena Gomez in pink bikini—creeper) parading around Maui.

My life has never felt sadder, clicking picture after picture thinking maybe something interesting will pop up. Like Justin hitting his pinky toe on a rock and crying, or Selena giving Justin a handy under a beach blanket. But no, picture after picture was purely just looking at two young kids at the beach doing normal “vacation” things. Fucking gross.

The only people I can imagine caring about this crap is sad 13 year old girls who want nothing more than to see Selena Gomez killed so they can have Justin all to themselves. Seriously, the love these girls have for Justin is creepy. He’s managed to give too many tween girls those strange yet oddly enjoyable tingly feelings down there that they won’t understand until sophomore year of high school when that cute boy they kind of like wants to have a “deep talk about life and shit” in the backseat of his car. Okay sorry, now I’m just rambling about my life.

Please somebody save me from this madness.

AWWWW SHIT SELENA CLAIMIN JUSTIN IS HER BITCH WITH HER ARM OVER HIS SHOULDER. YOU GO GIRL!!

ahhhh stop! what am I saying? must. leave. internet. now.

Hot Linkage Action

Tue, 18 Oct 2011 16:34:00 -0400

(via reddit)

Spice up the workplace with some gruesome zombie stationary.
TotalFilm gives us the A-Z of Quentin Tarantino.
Pretttttty. Berlin’s Festival of Lights.
Hipster Overload: Johnny Marr asks the chillwave community to be inspired by him. Sponsored by Ray-ban.
Mindy Kaling has no friends? Just read the interview.

Republican presidential hopeful Herman Cain sang a song about...

Tue, 18 Oct 2011 15:14:00 -0400

Republican presidential hopeful Herman Cain sang a song about there being no pizza in this world. To make matters more weird and hilarious, he sang it to the tune of John Lennon’s Imagine. If you don’t already know, Cain was CEO of the Godfather’s Pizza chain.

“HEY WHAT’S THE BEST WAY FOR A REPUBLICAN ENTREPRENEUR LIKE MYSELF TO PROMOTE THIS D-E-LICIOUS PIZZA? WHY LET’S TAKE THAT COMMIE HIPPIE JOHN LENNON’S MOST FAMOUS AND POWERFUL SONG AND REPLACE EVERY IMPORTANT LYRIC WITH NAMES OF FOOD AND URGE DUMB COMMONERS TO FORGET THIS SONG HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH IMAGINING A WORLD FREE OF SOCIAL HIERARCHY AND UNJUST POLITICAL SYSTEMS. FROM NOW ON WHEN THEY HEAR THIS TUNE THEY WILL ONLY BE ABLE TO THINK ABOUT PIZZA. THAT’S MY AMERICA!!!”

Watch this if you’ve ever wanted to laugh and cry at the same time.

YOU GUYS, THIS IS THE BEST AUDITION VIDEO FOR BIGGEST LOSER EVER...

Tue, 18 Oct 2011 04:21:54 -0400

YOU GUYS, THIS IS THE BEST AUDITION VIDEO FOR BIGGEST LOSER EVER TO EXIST!

Seriously, the only thing better than watching this guy “exercising” with that shakeweight would be watching him do that same thing with a foot long ham and turkey sub.

WHAT THE—OH MY GOD! This CAT (cats?) is (are?) ten times...

Mon, 17 Oct 2011 20:38:00 -0400

WHAT THE—OH MY GOD! This CAT (cats?) is (are?) ten times cooler than any other cat (cats?) ever to exist and this is coming from someone WHO FUCKING LOVES CATS!

Read about Janus the cat (cats?) here.

To think, this kitty (these kitties?) was (were?) going to get euthanized at only a day old. Thank god this woman saved him (them?). Seriously, my day has been made. Happiness is spreading all over me, and rainbows are flying out my ass. There is good in this world. Along with opera singing parrots (watch the video).

Links, Again

Mon, 17 Oct 2011 18:17:20 -0400

People are stupid and think that adding vegetables to pizza automatically makes it healthy. Don’t these people know that you have to wipe the oil on top with a napkin first? Then it’s healthy!
Coolest wedding invitations, ever.
Sesame Street Youtube Account is back on the interwebs after being hacked.
This man apparently surfed on a shark. My response: PICS OR IT DIDN’T HAPPEN.
There’s a teenage mutant ninja turtle on your nose. Need I say more?
Above: Cupcake Batman by deviantart user: kitanai-neko

HOT BILLIONAIRE HEIRESS THINKS IT'S COOL TO POSE FOR PHOTOS WITH HER OWN MONEY

Mon, 17 Oct 2011 17:37:39 -0400

It’s like, art right?

Tamara Ecclestone, British rich bitch recently posed for photographer Tyler Shields rolling around in pounds of her own money (or should I say daddy’s money). The photographer proposed the idea to Tamara and she met with him the next day fully equipped with bags of money ready for their close up.

I mean, is it perfect fucking timing or what? This chick gets to use her surplus of cash as a prop for some dumb photo shoot while thousands of people all over the world are protesting barely being able to afford toilet paper.

In related news, it’s official: nothing is fair, everything is horrible, and I want my mommy.

“Who needs a blanky when you got all this money to keep you warm?” teeheehee

THESE GUYS MADE THE MOST BORING SONG IN THE WORLD...ON PURPOSE

Mon, 17 Oct 2011 16:33:00 -0400

Ambient group Marconi Union worked with sound therapists to create “Weightless”, the world’s most relaxing song.

Apparently this shit is more relaxing than getting a massage, going to the spa, or listening to Mozart.

WEIRD RIGHT? I don’t believe that listening to this song is more relaxing than going to a spa and having someone pour rough sea salt all over your body, or getting punched and pinched by a tiny asian woman while lying down on an uncomfortable table, or even listening to classical music which— thanks to most horror and thriller films making classical music the only music serial killers listen to— is more likely to scare the living shit out of you rather than lull you to pleasant thoughts about daisies and wide open fields.

Mo' Links

Mon, 17 Oct 2011 15:42:51 -0400

Hollywood Announces Plans to Remake Jimmy Stewart, and more. Onion News Beat.
Beyonce’s new music video, Love On Top is a dedication to 80s boy bands. Fuckin great. Really just what music needs (read that as sarcastically, or as genuine as you’d like)
Axe Cop co-creator Ethan Nicolle has a new threadless t-shirt design out. Buy one if you love Robots who kick ass.
Sexting is Dangerous. (via reddit)
Above photo from College Humor’s best pictures of the week.

HEY BUDDY THAT'S NOT WHY IT'S CALLED A COCKPIT!

Mon, 17 Oct 2011 15:07:00 -0400

Then why is it called that? Good question. I have no idea.

So if you don’t already know what i’m talking about, it’s this:

Part time skydiving instructor, part time porn star Alex Torres (the dude) created the most brilliant skydiving sex stunt ever in the world. Basically he made a video of him and this chick boning on a plane, then jumping off the plane and STILL BONING!

How I imagine the scene playing out:

Torres and Girl: “WEEEE!!” *hump thrust hump* “WE’RE FLYING!!!” *hump hump hump*

Cut to: Scene where Keanu Reeves is sadly eating a sandwich on a bench. Suddenly he gets what he thinks is bird shit all over his face. He inspects the strange white liquid further. “Wait…this isn’t bird shit!” He looks up at the sky and with a fist in the air he shouts, “DAMN YOU TORRES!”

Basically the guy is sort of in deep shit, but sort of not. It’s pretty hilarious because the skydiving school where this took place fired him, but this incident took place early in the morning with no witnesses! Technically nothing these people did is flat out illegal and it’s buggin the hell out of everyone.

“Why, we have to arrest this man for something don’t we? If he doesn’t go to jail the youth of our nation will suddenly think fornicating in the air is morally acceptable!” Read the details here.

I never thought i’d say this but I’m on the air-fucker’s side. I mean he was fired. That’s punishment enough isn’t it?

Elvis Costello ditches the fuckin old man bluegrass/jazz/country...

Mon, 17 Oct 2011 14:44:59 -0400

Elvis Costello ditches the fuckin old man bluegrass/jazz/country shit he’s making now and is back with a classic new wave track…sorta

ZETA TAU ARTHRITIS

Sun, 16 Oct 2011 23:28:32 -0400

Bertie McConnell, a really old lady from Topeka Kansas finally got initiated into the Zeta Tau Alpha sorority at the University of Kansas on her 90th birthday. That’s right, fucking 90 years old. Apparently not joining Zeta was the one thing she regretted never doing so the Zeta sisters were all like “come on gals, old and wrinkly aside, Bertie is still a hot bitch!” Read the rest of the article here.

Stayed tuned for when Bertie’s new reality show, “Sisters For Life” gets the green light. We’ll follow Bertie around as the Zeta ladies teach Bertie how to properly snort a line of cocaine, and take rum shots like a pro. Drama will ensue when Bertie is caught sleeping with Zeta sister Brittney’s boyfriend, Chad. Chad will be all like, “babe we were only listening to jazz records and knitting you a sweater” but then Brittney will say, “what jazz record were you listening to then?” and Chad will go, “uhhh…Stevie Wonder?” FACEPALM. Bertie will then dump Chad’s ass and completely turn every sister at Zeta against Brittney. Poor Brittney will have to leave the Zeta house and join an ugly girl sorority!

Okay sorry I am having too much fun with this.

ROBERT DOWNEY JR. SPEAKS, WE LISTEN

Sun, 16 Oct 2011 20:06:00 -0400

Robert Downey Jr. has asked the public to forgive the anti-semitic, woman hating, ball of drunken rage that is Mel Gibson. Do we do it?

I think a big fat NO is in order.

Okay look RBJ, I get the public forgiving you because you were just a batshit crazy druggie sorely in need of rehabilitation. You didn’t really fuck up like Mel did. Honestly, the only good thing that Mel Gibson has done as of late is remind me that the phrase “sugar tits” exists. Sadly though, that’s not enough to get me to forgive him. RBJ we know you’re all of a sudden a “big deal” but do you think your words really weigh enough influence in our lives to save the dying career of your racist friend?

Shame on you Robert! Because i’m mad at you right now, i’m going to direct everyone to this clip of you in one of the worst movies ever made, Hail Caesar.

Occupy Wall Street Goin Global Y'all

Sun, 16 Oct 2011 19:29:00 -0400

The whole world is finally starting to get on board with the idea that maybe Michael Douglas was wrong. Maybe greed isn’t good. It’s awesome that my generation of young adults is finally doing something political and game changing. Especially since, aside from this our only other claim to fame is that we wear oversized sweaters and glasses in an effort to look more like our grandparents.

Reuters gives us an update, and also writes this line that makes no sense to me: ASIANS GRUMBLE, QUIETLY.
Police brutality? Here? In America? I don’t believe it!

“Did you guys think I said greed was good? No, no, no. What I was saying was “Creed is good” you all just misheard me. I fucking love Creed. That song ‘Arms Wide Open’, that was my jam! Wait, what? There’s no way I could have known about Creed because my movie came out in 1987? Yeah alright well fuck you, my toilet is gold plated!”

WE ALWAYS KNEW SPOCK WAS GAY BUT NOW THE DUDE WHO PLAYED HIM IS TOO!!

Sun, 16 Oct 2011 19:00:00 -0400

Star Trek actor Zachary Quinto recently revealed to the press in an interview that he “loves the cock”. Okay so that isn’t a direct quote from Quinto, but I did just say it out loud making it quote-able.

This is a great day for young gay male trekkies who could previously only hope to maybe bone George Takei (ewwww he’s old) but also a sad day for the straight female trekkies who wanted nothing more than to jump Quinto’s bones.

I mean it’s not a huge shocker. Him and Chris Pine have boned at least ten times* In fact, Chris Pine commented on the incident saying:

“The first time he mentioned to me he was gay I just thought he meant he was happy. Then we cuddled some more, and he forced me to be the little spoon like he always does.”**

*no official reports have claimed this. I’ve just dreamed that happening in my head at least ten times.

**not a real quote. duh.

COOL LINKS AND SHIT

Sun, 16 Oct 2011 15:48:10 -0400